Franglo

Summer can be the most challenging time as a stepparent, there is a lot of togetherness with family vacations and the kids being home from school.

We have been living together as a family unit for four years. We had been in a long-distance relationship for the prior three years before I made a move to Montreal. I was in their lives part-time, on vacations, and I made a point of being in town for significant events when possible. During Covid, we started with split custody; they spent a week with us and one with their mom.

Oh, did I mention that kid weeks are French weeks. I am trying to find the passion for continuing to learn the language, but it’s hard when most of the time, you feel invisible.

Events of the past few weeks have served as a reminder when you come into their lives when they are pre-teens; no matter how long you have been in their lives, you are not considered family.

We started our summer with a family vacation to Mexico, seven days at an all-inclusive resort. We chose Club Med for the array of activities to keep them busy, but that was not how the week played out. We had adjoining rooms for privacy and a bit of separation, most important we had separate bathrooms. Ultimately, our week was much more togetherness than I could have envisioned.

They returned to their mom’s house for a few days and then returned for an extended period as she went on vacation without them. I have not had a “free” weekend for three weeks, and my patience is starting to fade. Anyone who has had teens around knows they do not rise until midday, and you will wake up to a mess in the kitchen, and that mess never ceases during the day.

We have very different parenting styles. I grew up having responsibilities and chores around the house, but these are not the rules in our place; their only responsibility is clearing dinner dishes, and they fight over whose turn it is every night. As we all know, you must go with the flow as a stepparent. When they return to their mothers, we take the time to clean the house; most weeks, I feel like I run a B&B.

Covid has changed how we work, and I work from home four days a week and trek into the office weekly. Working from home with children in the house is a challenge, because they are not quiet creatures, so I have to keep my office door closed. My “office,” a storage closet, tends to get hot in the summer. On my off weeks, my spouse works up in one of the kid’s rooms so we barely cross each other’s paths and are cognicant of each other’s meetings and responsibilities.

Monday was a statutory holiday in the rest of Canada but not Quebec; I decided to go into the office, partly for my sanity. I needed some quiet alone time if I am to survive the balance of the week. I knew the office would be dead; not many people come in on a Monday, and I knew yesterday would be extra empty. I was correct, just me and the janitor again.

Choosing to leave the house made me realize that I need to prioritize my mental health and take a pause from domestic life, so I don’t lose my shit. I think I will need to go in two times per week during kid weeks.

Because it was a holiday, I was able to catch the 3:10 pm train so I was home by 4ish. The wind was lite; I could get out on my paddle board before for the first time this summer. As I paddled and took in the beauty of nature, I was at peace.

As instructed on a plane, put on your own mask before assisting others. There are things that I cannot change, but if I prioritize myself by going into the office, taking time in nature, and hugging the only teenager in the house that adores me, the dog, I might just make it through the teen years.

It gets better right?