Franglo

I have moved across the country several times by myself, for the pursuit of love which turned out not to be.  I have moved for education, career and to be closer to family.  A year ago, I made the biggest change of my life, choosing love and moving to Quebec.

I look back on all we have accomplished in the last year; we have created a legal financial relationship, did extensive renovations on the house, I found and started a new job. I went from single living in the city, to being a step mom living in the suburbs. A few life changes to say the least.

I often joke moving to this province is like immigrating to a foreign country. They make it difficult to move and become part of their society even thought I am Canadian citizen. It took 6 months to get through the paperwork to get a driver’s license and a health card. I have been taking French classes since my arrival with the hope of improving my language skills.

Rules governing relationships are different in Quebec, we needed to draft a legal relationship agreement to protect both of us.  I needed to buy into the house because in Quebec, you are never considered legally married.  We could live together for 25 years, I could paying into the mortgage but I would never have rights to anything if my name were not on the documents. This could leave me in a situation where the kids could evict me with nothing to my name if something should happen to my partner. Obviously I was not okay with this situation.

This year has been about learning how to live together as a couple. I was single and living alone for close to twenty years; living with someone was an adjustment and learning that I do not have to do everything alone. My other half was married in the past; his adjustment was learning to live with a very independent woman career driven woman.

It was an adjustment for everyone when I became a full time part of the family picture. The kids were used to seeing me on vacations and the odd weekend, they had a lot of alone time with their Dad. All of a sudden, the Anglo is living with them with ideas about the household. For the most part the language at home is French, and I struggle to follow along. I am getting better but I still respond in English. We have found a rhythm that works, I am value add in their life, another adult who cares about them and a cheerleader for all activities and in return they tolerate me. J

I am fortunate that my spouse had an excellent relationship with his ex-wife. It does not happen all the time but it is not a foreign concept to share a meal all three of us with the kids. I am sure the fact that her and I get along so well, may concern him sometimes. This dynamic makes the whole parenting situation easier because we function as a team with the best interests of the kids. It really goes take a village to raise kids and balance all the activities.

We survived a major household renovation, he took the lead with our contractors and I helped finance the project. This was our first project where we had to agree on design concepts, our vision, and budget while incorporating the kids and their wishes in the equation. For me the hardest part was the later, we never had any say on anything in the house as kids, so consulting multiple opinions was challenging for me.

I would be lying if some days I did not question my decision or miss my old life. I miss my friends and being able to go hang out with my friends. My friends are only 500 kilometers away and the perfect excuse to escape for a weekend.

I look at my new life, I have a spouse that really loves me and supports me. I have a true partner who picks me up when I am down; puts me back together, makes me pause before I make leap and ensures that I take care of my health. He supports my crazy lifestyle of a week of work in Ottawa and weekends of French school and he deals with the crankiness that comes with the schedule.

Our life is not easy but we make it work, and we cherish the time we do get together. Maybe one day, we will have a normal life but I am thankful I am no longer in a long distance relationship. I have a life partner who believes in compromise. He may never want to get married again but he let me have my dream of a white dress on a beach with my parents and on that day promised to love me for the rest of our lives.  

Our story continues…